In June last year, I handed in my resignation with my last working date the 30th December 2022. I was going to start my two businesses, ACE Models JBay and DOT Linde in the new year. I mean, what better way to start the new year? Yes, I prayed about the change and received all the signs I prayed for, but the little voice called worry and doubt never seemed to leave my side.
I find myself on a rinse-and-repeat cycle. I wake up in the morning feeling anxious. After my quiet time, I feel like I can conquer the world (because now I’ve laid everything at the feet of my Creator), and then as the day goes by and things don’t work out as planned, the worry and doubt start streaming in again. “Rinse and repeat.”
The perfectionist in me thinks that rinse-and-repeat is wrong, but the human in me has realised that that is the way of life. The ups and the downs, the rinse-and-repeat, is how we go on day by day.
Here is my rinse-and-repeat cycle:
- Acknowledge the worry and doubt
- Surrender it to God, and ask for His will to be done
- Remind myself of what I prayed for and signs that I received
- Trust God wholeheartedly that He will make a way
- Recite Scripture versus such as Philippians 6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, …”
- Work hard, and do my best
- Go to bed
“Beep, beep”, wake up with an anxious heart and start again.
I sometimes think that we are never truly meant to live without fear or anxiety because those moments bring us to our knees in front of our Creator. It is in our times of trouble that we call upon God, where we trust Him, where we flex our muscles and truly learn to let go and let God work. Instead of praying those seasons away, we should rather embrace them and thank God for the opportunity to move closer to Him and to trust Him more.
One day as I was jumping on a trampoline, I was taking in everything around me and the action of what I was doing. When I started jumping on the trampoline, the jumps were small. I barely went down or up to the sky, but as the momentum and force grew, I found myself going deeper into the mat and going up higher into the sky, deeper, higher, until at one point, I felt fear creeping in. “What if I fall on my way down and hurt myself?” As soon as I hit the mat, I did the reverse break, and the momentum was broken, and I stopped.
What I learnt at that very moment will stay with me forever.
The beginning
When we start our journey with God, we are without fear because there is nothing to fear while we move around in our comfort zone and the familiar. At this stage of life, things are mellow, easy going and comfortable.
The Ups
As the momentum grows and we go higher, we need God more, rely on Him more, and trust Him more. We start growing, building skills, and acquiring the right technique. We feel as if we can do anything. Everything is falling into place, and we just experience God’s favour. We only experience the good things that life has to offer. We hope the feeling never ends. We feel free, brave and as if we can do anything.
The Downs
The higher we go up, the further we have to fall. It is the hard times that bring us down. It is during these moments that we are truly tested. Our faith, endurance, perseverance and grit. It is generally during this part of the journey that we start to question whether we made the right choices or did the right thing. We start feeling anxious and fearful, and quitting seems like the only sane thing to do.
The Crucial part
While we are on our way down, we have a split second to decide: will we trust God, trust the process, and surrender to Him or will we allow fear to take hold and activate the break? Your choice will determine whether you jump even higher or if you come to a standstill. But note – to add, if you choose the latter, you will have to start again.
The Conclusion
Life is filled with ups and downs. You have to choose daily whether you want to live in the fullness of what God has to offer or in your comfort zone 2 cm from the ground. Whatever life you choose is up to you, and you will ultimately reap what you sow.