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I like to write about personal experiences.  I also enjoy insights and input from people who have walked the walk. People who have been around the mountain a few times. But first in line for my attention are my children, my highest priority, every time.  

I have been struggling with an immense (self-inflicted) guilt trip and constant worry about my children.  My children are blessed. They are privileged and very well loved and cared for. Still, I could not shake this sense of constant worry.  In a way I felt I still had to supervise the way God was shaping them for their calling.

I knew I had to do something because the only person suffering was me. It was not as if the constant worrying was improving any child’s life. The contrary was true. I had become an over-stressed, controlling mother, because I care (or worry) too much. At the same time as I felt it was causing me to lose my sanity, it was the main reason I always hustle to keep it all together. How is that for duality? The same source of my joy and worry in the same sentence.

I knew something had to be done. Or someone had to do something for me to be “okay”. This self-assigned-cross was becoming too heavy for me. And I did not know how to get rid of it.

Then I had a revelation which changed my life.  Did God not call them for “such a time as this”? (Esther 4:14) Like Esther?  Like Joseph? 

Is this a surprise to God? Is anything a surprise to God? Do you trust God completely to know what they need? Does God know the plans He has for them? God is outside of time. He knows where He is taking them!

The answer hit me like a ton of bricks.  Yes, yes and yes.  He knows. Not only does God know my heart, He also knows the plans for my children’s lives. He knows, He is God.  Peter instructed the church to cast their burdens onto Jesus.  Now, I am not saying my children are my burdens, but the constant worry has become a burden.  The Lord knows what assignments He has for them in their future. He knows what preparation and pressing they need to endure to be fully developed, prepared and ready when He appoints the time for them to be sent.

Imagine Mary when she “lost” Jesus at the first feast where Jesus went to the temple. (Yep, I feel better, because Mary lost God for a while – imagine that stress!). Luckily, I have not lost God. He is my constant reminder that my children are safe.  He loves them way more than I can ever love them!

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