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Distorted Belonging Julanie J

Distorted Belonging | Julanie

Hi, I’m Julanie and I’m a mender… I’ve come to notice that I am a fixer (of people and broken things) and sometimes it’s draining.

I’ve reached the conclusion that in times of my brokenness, I seek out counsel, whether that be a parental figure, a sister or just a willing listener; it is our natural response to seek comfort and kindness, but also accountability partners. However, many times we feel the need for support, but may latch onto the wrong people or person, and then we end up hurting ourselves more and sometimes even others.

Recently I’’ve been going through a trying time.  It’s felt like I’ve had to re-start everything, rebuild and rethink the life I thought I had. I’ve had to restructure goals and even erase some ideas; I’ve also lost countless friends and acquaintances through the act of self-preservation. I’ve lost belongings I held dear; I even lost the desire to dream. But through the hardships and uphill battles, the only thing remaining was character. When you don’t strip away the personality, the moods, accusations, temper, grief, wrongdoings, yes, even sin; when you count the cost of all this together, measure all the things that make us, it’s character that remains ever present. I have found it easy to erase those bad things if I strip them away and then look at character; but that’s not realistic- you’ve got to add up all the wrongs as well as the good for a character to have merit and carry weight.

Often, when we are sunk in sadness or depression, we find the wrong easers of our pain. For some it might be a substance, but I’ll be honest, for me it’s people. I turn to people. You might think, but isn’t that a good thing? Well, it can be, but not when the company is guiding you into confusion rather than healing. This might not appear at first as a big, detrimental change, but it’s the little changes no one notices that form habits, and these create a foundation for our future choices and decisions. The best thing you can do for yourself is to monitor who you award your time to. Gauge the weight of what’s being said and done around you. Never, for example, enable bad habits and a distorted sense of belonging because you might be lonely.  If you don’t know this already, believe me when I say you are stronger than that. And yes, saying goodbye to any type of relationship can be hard, but when it’s only a distraction, and you’re unaware of the destruction it’s been causing around you, that’s when you have to stop and realise it’s time to cut ties.  We are made to be not only resilient, but also instinctive. Use that as your compass to navigate you to where, and most importantly, to whom you belong. The wrong people might give you a sense of belonging, but you will always feel like an outsider.

I guarantee that in this lifetime you will find those who will help carry you, and they won’t just be a crutch, but a guide:  that is when you will know you’ve met a member of your tribe.

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