Most of us struggle with the ongoing battle of comparison. Especially in this day and age, scrolling through social media, always having to be better, thinner, richer and have more. Seeing others’ lives on our screens constantly makes it even harder to avoid comparing ourselves to others, and thinking that we are not good enough. This takes a toll on our confidence and self-esteem, and then it is difficult to even like ourselves.
I have struggled with feeling different and not being good enough for most of my life. Because of my circumstances and the trauma I suffered, I believed that I did not match up to what the world expected of me, and that I was different in a bad way. It was only when the Holy Spirit revealed to me the incredible truth about how being different is actually my superpower, and my pain equals my purpose to be a light to others.
Working with young girls and teens, I have come to know that the fear of rejection and the need for approval starts from a very young age, and can become a pattern even in adulthood. Even for the most confident people, there are still days when we ask “Why me?” Or “Why not me?” Comparison steals joy. It can leave us feeling dissatisfied with where we are, and questioning God’s perfect plan for us.
Establishing a rock-solid foundation of where we find our true identity makes it easier to stay away from comparing ourselves and not being phased by the fear of rejection.
7 Tips To Discover Your Uniqueness and Ultimately Be More Confident
- Remind yourself that we are carefully planned and designed by God and made in His perfect image. By having total faith and confidence in God, we can trust He knew what He was doing when He made us. And we can have confidence in the beauty of His Creation. Start by the meaning of your name, your gifts and talents, and start to see how God carefully designed you. (Psalms 139:13-14 NIV: “ For you created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb”).
- Learn to love what sets you apart. Take photos of yourself and write down three things that you love about the way you look, or even something that sets you apart. It might be something that you do not like about yourself. Learn to love your unique parts. By looking at the combination of how He put you together, it is really a wow moment that there is no one with the same blueprint or design. You are unique! (Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”)
- Live for Him and others and not for yourself. A popular trend in society is to live for yourself and put yourself first. This is not entirely true or Biblical. I have learned that this life is not about us (self). We live for Him and for others. To bring light and hope to this world, through our testimony. That is Holy confidence, not self-esteem. Try to encourage someone, help out someone in need or just a simple smile can make a difference in someone’s day. (Matthew 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.”)
- Raise your standard. Insecure people tend to flock together. If you want to raise your confidence level you will need to raise the standard of the people you surround yourself with. People that are insecure tend to fall into a pattern of jealousy and find it hard to be happy for others and build them up. Surround yourself with people that are grounded in Christ and celebrate you and your achievements.(Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”)
- Forgive yourself. The key is to remember that the Righteous Judge of all humankind – God – has forgiven and forgotten the sins and mistakes of your painful past. If God chooses to forgive you, then with His help you can forgive yourself.(Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”)
- He sees you. When we live in the lie of being not good enough, and struggling with our confidence, it’s easy to feel unseen. In the book of Genesis, Hagar feels abandoned and rejected. But God shows up, and we see recorded, one of my favourite Old Testament names for Him – Jehovah El Roi – the God who sees me. (Genesis 16:13).
- Give and receive compliments. If someone compliments you on something, receive the compliment gracefully. Stop the lies in your mind that you are not worthy. The trouble is, if we persist in putting ourselves down, eventually people start to believe we’re right. If you are grounded in who God says you are, it is easier to see your worth and see the beauty in others. Then there is no comparison. (Jeremiah 17:7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in H-him”).
I challenge each of you to believe and stand firm in what your Creator says about you and to stop buying into the lies that have been spoken over you.
Be bold, be confidently you!